Seriously, in my life I don’t know what I have done wrong. Am I truly a bad person? Is this karma or something? I don’t know. But somehow deep down I know, this is all Allah’s work. He planned everything perfectly for me. Probably, that thing is so not for me, so that’s why I did not get it. Dear Allah, I know I’m not a good servant for you. I come to you when I desperate of having no one but Allah, I have no means. I am trying to be a good one. I promise O’ Allah. Whenever I did not get what I want, I know, Allah had saves something for me. A good one and I just need to be patient. Yes – PATIENCE. That’s the word.
People ask me, annoying question. I can’t answer it. Don’t ask. Seriously, I don’t know. Please. I am SAD. Yes, I AM. But, am I supposed to cry? No, right? I’m big already and big girls don’t cry.
I pretend to be tough, pretend to laugh, pretend to be happy, and pretend to be what I am right now. Deep down, no one knows. Who knows what inside my heart, only HIM-Allah. People said, be strong, don’t give up, blablabla. Yes, I know and thank you everybody for saying that but I’ve had enough for myself. The least thing that I hope people around me to do is to keep quiet and don’t ask anything. Just keep their mouth shout, act as if nothing happen. Believe me, it feels much better.
It’s about to end, and I’m glad it’ll over soon. But, I have to fight for something, fight to get the answer that people kept asking me. I hope it will be a real good answer.