Thursday, May 12, 2011

* Don't ask me, I don't know

Seriously, in my life I don’t know what I have done wrong. Am I truly a bad person? Is this karma or something? I don’t know. But somehow deep down I know, this is all Allah’s work. He planned everything perfectly for me. Probably, that thing is so not for me, so that’s why I did not get it. Dear Allah, I know I’m not a good servant for you. I come to you when I desperate of having no one but Allah, I have no means. I am trying to be a good one. I promise O’ Allah. Whenever I did not get what I want, I know, Allah had saves something for me. A good one and I just need to be patient. Yes – PATIENCE. That’s the word.

People ask me, annoying question. I can’t answer it. Don’t ask. Seriously, I don’t know. Please. I am SAD. Yes, I AM. But, am I supposed to cry? No, right? I’m big already and big girls don’t cry.

I pretend to be tough, pretend to laugh, pretend to be happy, and pretend to be what I am right now. Deep down, no one knows. Who knows what inside my heart, only HIM-Allah. People said, be strong, don’t give up, blablabla. Yes, I know and thank you everybody for saying that but I’ve had enough for myself. The least thing that I hope people around me to do is to keep quiet and don’t ask anything. Just keep their mouth shout, act as if nothing happen. Believe me, it feels much better.

It’s about to end, and I’m glad it’ll over soon. But, I have to fight for something, fight to get the answer that people kept asking me. I hope it will be a real good answer.

Friday, May 6, 2011

* if I know


I'll start off my blog with Salam of course. Okay, sorry redundant. Its been two years in KMB and now I am sitting for my final IB exam. One paper is done, Maths. i hope i done well.

Life teaches me a lot. A lesson from A to Z. i did not get any placement yet. Yess, what to say. There must be lots of people talking like why she did not get her placement? She's not cleverlaaa, that's why, yada yadaaa and all. I've been rejected three time already. First by IUMC, second PMC and the third one is from Chezch. I personally think there is a reason behind everything. I tried everything and tawakal to Allah everytime I faced the interview session but what I know is, if that place is a good place for me, then, send me there. If it is not,DON'T. Yaaa, ia sakit bila anda ditolak berkali-kali macam kalau nak beli ice cream tu mak kata no! cannot!, atau senang kata bila anda nak sesuatu dan telah berusaha semampunya, tetapi tetap tak dapat. itu yang saya rasa.

But, what I can say is Allah had planned everything for me. Everything have a reasons behind it. Deep down, I know Allah reserves something for me. A better place fro me, InsyaAllah. Allah cuma tak nak bagi sekarang. i need to pray more and work harder.

I am so lucky to have wonderful friends around me, especially my roommate, Arlina Arshad. She is everything. She saved me whenever I feel like I'm sinking in the ocean where no one to be found. She is my sister, my best friend, and my IB 45 mate :) Thank you Arli. Ibu kata, kawan bila berduka susah na cari and i think I found one. Thank you Allah.

What i can say is, the placement thing is not really a matter to me because I have other things to do. If Allah say so, then it will be. It's just a matter of time. We just have to wait. Ya, janji Allah itu pasti. Well, get back to work and focus on my IB exam. I have to get 45 for Allah, for my teachers, and for ayah and ibu. Opah juga yang selalu buat solat hajat semoga cucu dia tak selalu sedih. :)

I don't know what my life will be next and I just can pray to Allah that He gives me the strength to face the world - real world. keep on praying and remember Him. he knows what best for us and InsyaAllah, we'll get it sooner or later :)